I Don’t Want To Be Lonely Anymore
We all have the desire to find someone special that we can share our life with. We want someone to be able to talk to when we are excited and to brag to when something great happens to us. We really want to do those things with someone that we know cares about us and gets excited with us. Why?
The answer to that question is that we are afraid of being alone. I think most of us know that place (loneliness), and we will do anything to keep from going back there. For some of you the fear of being alone is so great and overwhelming that it’s the only reason you decided to get married.
There is depression in being alone. Two things that are usually stated together are “alone and depressed.” The fear of being alone has made its way into songs. Artist Al Green wrote a song about being alone. A part of it says: “I am so tired of being alone. I am so tired of on-my-own. Won’t you help me, girl, just as soon as you can?” It’s the substance of musical lyrics. Nobody wants to be alone. It is not a fun place to be. What’s the best way to make sure you will always have someone with you to share and be with? Let’s get married!
So is the plan to make sure you will never be lonely again working? If I could venture a guess I would say that for most of us that plan not only is failing but never really worked from the start. Why is it that we get married so that we won’t be alone and end up lonelier than when we started? Why does he/she spend time away from me? Why can’t he/she connect emotionally with me? Why is he/she pushing me away? Why don’t I feel like I’m a part of his/her life? Why won’t he/she talk to me? How many of these questions have you asked yourself over the course of your marriage?
It’s not hard to see the road the failed expectation “your spouse will take care of your loneliness” leads. When we are lonely we don’t feel loved. That is a statement that could be “unpacked” a great deal but I will leave it at that and let you reflect on it. When we don’t feel loved we go to whatever will make us feel loved again. What has that been for you? Drugs, alcohol, adultery, eating, T.V., gambling and all other addictions can be the result of loneliness.
So whose fault is your loneliness? This may shock you…it’s your fault, not your spouses. Are you mad? Let’s look at the facts. Adam was not lonely in the Garden of Eden. How could he have been lonely? He walked with God in a way that no other human on this earth has since. There was greater intimacy and fulfillment in Adams relationship with God that we won’t have until heaven. Eve was not the answer for loneliness. Do you disagree? If Adam was lonely while walking with God the way he did then what hope do we have for eternity? Do you think you are going to be lonely in Heaven? No. Why? Is it because (hopefully) your spouse will be there with you? No! It’s because we will be with our father.
So what was the purpose of Eve? Well, Genesis 2 tells us that Eve was a helper. Someone had to help Adam maintain Eden. We could also agree that another great purpose was procreation. There are many reasons as to why God gave Adam Eve, including the greatest purpose I have yet to discuss, but to fix loneliness was not one of them.
Here is the truth: Humans are not the answer for loneliness, only God is. If you are living in loneliness I encourage you to examine your relationship with God because something is lacking. We are to be filled, fulfilled, satisfied, comfortable, accepted, secure and intimate with our Father God even if our spouse is “detached” from us. If that’s not true for you I encourage you to ask God why. Ask Him how it can be true for you. Wouldn’t you like to give God the responsibility of your loneliness and let Him take care of it rather than expect if from your spouse who will definitely fail to fulfill it many times.
Jesse Birkey
Author of “Marriage What’s The Point?”
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